why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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