The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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