you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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