If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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