I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
