my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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