At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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