just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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