God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
