The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
