fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
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He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
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Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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