take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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