Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
