hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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