i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
