he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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