then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
