she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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