I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
