i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
