woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
