I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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