I'm lost and stupid without you.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
