I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Randomize
