this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
my shit smells like andre
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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