That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
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Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
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When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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