remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
