The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Randomize
