Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Omg I joined a choir last night...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
