Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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