had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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