I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
