If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
