Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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