Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
