I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
