Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
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She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
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MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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