Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You can't special order awesome
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
