His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
