No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
