Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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