she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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