I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
