my sisters under your porch take her home
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
