Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
