I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
