the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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