She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
