I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
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I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
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Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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