I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my sisters under your porch take her home
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
