i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
