I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
