im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
