I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
