I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
