you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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