I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
