I just made out with a guy for $7.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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