i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
