he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
