STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
