dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
