i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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