Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
