I'll bet she douches with gravy.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
