Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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