So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
