it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i drank out of a bidet.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
