I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
