You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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