hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Sober January is a disaster.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
