Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
