Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
