after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He felt like a one man threesome
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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