At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
