He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
