it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
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He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
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You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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