Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't deserve a penis
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
