I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
